before it's too late

so i've been staying up late a little too often (well, late for my standards). been slacking off a whole lot and been sitting in the backseat way too long. and well, it really is starting to show now. i don't need to be told twice about how do change my horrible habits of relaxation. one warning, well in this case, 2 warnings at one time, is enough to tell me to change. or at least i hope it is. i think i've been trying too hard to stretch myself. i've been trying to do many things, as small as they might be, this quarter mainly because i know it's time for one of those changing moments of life. and by change, i just mean that this time next year, i'll be the only one in the car. (refer to old blog about being in a car with 4 soon to be alumni's) in fact it really shouldn't be hard on me because not too much of myself will be changing, just my surroundings. i guess the problem is that i'm not actually making too much effort or time into really focusing on what matters and what keeps me here. for some reason, it's never been this difficult for me to sit down and understand what i'm reading. i think i've just been looking for distractions and now it really is starting to hurt me. i don't want to dig a deeper hole...i have enough people to look up to to know that i need to fix things now and not wait until it's a bit too late. i really need to do better. and that's what it all comes down to.

i'm cutting the line now...okay maybe not right now, but soon...really soon. i need to do this.

strange how it's always the extremes with me. i can never find the in between places like the good old days.

good night.