written july 12, 2006:
well hello hello. here i am, and i haven't got much to say. *long pause* my brain is thinking slower than usual. my apologies. i've come to make some sense of what's been going on in my head the past couple weeks, but not complete sense.
so i finally started reading tuesday's w/ morrie and then i hit the part where mitch starts talking to morrie about aging. not to spoil the book to anyone who hasn't read it, but basically they talked about why some ppl in their older days tend to say, "oh, i wish i was (fill in the blank with some younger age.)" ok, so i'm not old enough to say that phrase, but i suddenly realized something when he elaborated on the concept. according to morrie, ppl say that phrase when they are unsatisfied with their lives. ok, it's not that i'm unsatisfied with my life...alright, i swear this will make sense in a moment and there will be a connection. anyways, these past months i've been finding myself saying the phrase, "i wish i were in high school again. or i wish i was a kid again." *(i know, that's so gross of me to say. high school? yuck!) and i wondered why i would say that, cuz before in like fall and winter quarter i was hella happy and excited for the future. so now i find myself stepping back. more like stumbling back into a ditch and finding it very difficult to climb out of due to my increasing laziness. i'm unsatisfied with my choices and current decisions. summer has always given me an opportunity to take care of all the things i never made time to do during the school year. this summer i made my usual list and realized i haven't accomplish anything on that list. it saddens me. and it's not just summer goals, there's more, but i'll stop. i know, i know...i should know better right? right. also i'm discontent with my decisions as a friend. yes, i'll admit it...i'm a bad friend. maybe i'm a little too critical on myself, but facts are facts. alright...so if i'm unsatified with my decisions as a friend...as a person, i now must make better decisions, right? right! hmm...(continued thinking that will not be published.)
you know what sucks sometimes? how powerful your own thoughts can be.
written today:
i intended to post that, but never did...just left it as a draft for about a week now. so far the decisions haven't been any better, but there's still plenty of time. i'm optimistic! :)
so here's to more positive thinking! even tho right now, i'm sensing some strong negatism. i'm trying not to think about it...i'm assuming my own mind is working against me. a battle to death? probably not...just a battle to insanity.
it's come to my attention that as strong as we may seem sometimes we really are fragile...physically, emotionally, mentally. so easily broken and beaten. pain. in the end all we can do is place it in His hands and pray. please pray for my family.
that is all...peace out!
well hello hello. here i am, and i haven't got much to say. *long pause* my brain is thinking slower than usual. my apologies. i've come to make some sense of what's been going on in my head the past couple weeks, but not complete sense.
so i finally started reading tuesday's w/ morrie and then i hit the part where mitch starts talking to morrie about aging. not to spoil the book to anyone who hasn't read it, but basically they talked about why some ppl in their older days tend to say, "oh, i wish i was (fill in the blank with some younger age.)" ok, so i'm not old enough to say that phrase, but i suddenly realized something when he elaborated on the concept. according to morrie, ppl say that phrase when they are unsatisfied with their lives. ok, it's not that i'm unsatisfied with my life...alright, i swear this will make sense in a moment and there will be a connection. anyways, these past months i've been finding myself saying the phrase, "i wish i were in high school again. or i wish i was a kid again." *(i know, that's so gross of me to say. high school? yuck!) and i wondered why i would say that, cuz before in like fall and winter quarter i was hella happy and excited for the future. so now i find myself stepping back. more like stumbling back into a ditch and finding it very difficult to climb out of due to my increasing laziness. i'm unsatisfied with my choices and current decisions. summer has always given me an opportunity to take care of all the things i never made time to do during the school year. this summer i made my usual list and realized i haven't accomplish anything on that list. it saddens me. and it's not just summer goals, there's more, but i'll stop. i know, i know...i should know better right? right. also i'm discontent with my decisions as a friend. yes, i'll admit it...i'm a bad friend. maybe i'm a little too critical on myself, but facts are facts. alright...so if i'm unsatified with my decisions as a friend...as a person, i now must make better decisions, right? right! hmm...(continued thinking that will not be published.)
you know what sucks sometimes? how powerful your own thoughts can be.
written today:
i intended to post that, but never did...just left it as a draft for about a week now. so far the decisions haven't been any better, but there's still plenty of time. i'm optimistic! :)
so here's to more positive thinking! even tho right now, i'm sensing some strong negatism. i'm trying not to think about it...i'm assuming my own mind is working against me. a battle to death? probably not...just a battle to insanity.
it's come to my attention that as strong as we may seem sometimes we really are fragile...physically, emotionally, mentally. so easily broken and beaten. pain. in the end all we can do is place it in His hands and pray. please pray for my family.
that is all...peace out!
posted by bellamay at 12:06 PM
2 Comments:
brain! if i could actually blog right now, my entry would be extremely if not exactly along the same lines as yours! dude right before i read your blog, i told gia:
annanymouslizard (11:05:01 PM): sigh sometimes i wish i was an 8th grader again
haha and then after agreeing that it was kinda weird, we both agreed that we wish we were seniors again (best yr ever btw) but i'm going off on a tangent. i totally can relate to this entry! but as much as i want to be younger, i remind myself to live in the present because "it's a gift"... and it's a lot healthier than dwelling in the past. think of all the opportunities ahead of us! things are only going to get better right? haha they will! and i'm trying to take up this optimism thing too... it's hard for me though, especially since i always fall back on pessimism but we shall get through it together. can we hang out soon please?! i'm going to the meeting next week. i miss you A LOT! love, heart
p.s. I think we're all going through some tough times but I am definitely praying for you and your family. Please pray for me and my family too! :)
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