simplicity

i don't like blogging in public, aka the library, which is where i am, but i figure since i don't have anything to do until 3:30pm, i might as well blog. well, i do have things to do, such as researching, but i prefer to do that in the comforts of my home.

anyways, today as i was getting ready to go to school, i got to put on my watch. now you may think that sounds like an insignificant moment, but it made me very happy. you see, my watch battery was dead for 2 weeks. and i rediscovered how much it frustrates me to pull out my phone or look for a clock to find out what time it is. i strongly prefer pulling up my left jacket sleeve and looking at my watch. although i could always ask someone for the time, i like doing it myself. it reminds me of the days when i used to struggle with analog time. actually, sometimes i still hesitate in figuring out the time, but the triumph in the matter makes me smile. all in all, i'm just really thankful and excited about my fixed watch. thanks dad!

today, i also recognized the fear i have when i can't find my pickle jar in the fridge. random, i know, but i do get worried when i think about not being able to eat a pickle or two with my sandwich. for some reason (probably in relation to the neurons firing in anticipation of the food i've been imagining) i get excited when i see that pickle jar hiding behind someone's milk. :)

i guess i really do get excited about the little things, when i allow myself to notice and think about them. i suppose it also provides me with a better outlook on the day, not that i'm the negative type or so i'd like to believe. i'm also trying to work on self-control...especially in regards to food. you know, on our fridge at shawshank, we have the menu to a certain mexican restaurant. everytime i walk over there to open the fridge, the pictures kill me a little bit inside. it's sad, now that i think of it, how food has taken over my life. yes, i know we need food to survive, but what i realized is that in these past couple months, maybe years, i've allowed my actions to be controlled by the types of food i want. so now i say, no more! i will practice self-control and i will eat what is rightfully available to me because the fact that food is available to me in the first place is quite a remarkable gift.

anyways, that's just a bunch of random thoughts for you. btw, talking about all that food made me hungry. but i must stay strong. solidarity! (i don't know who this solidarity is with, but it is there)

p.s. if any of that food ranting paragraph about "rightfully available food" confused you, i'm sorry. i think the general idea i was presenting is that i'm trying to practice self-control in regards to what i choose to eat and how much i eat of it. sort of like a diet, but i don't like calling it that even though it is one. i guess i'll just call it the new and improved bellamay diet! crap, i just called it a diet. oh well.

have a great day!